For a teenager, I’m a bit of an oddity. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke and I don’t really care for nightclubs. I’m a pretty boring person when I lay it all out like that actually. The reason I don’t drink isn’t a moral or health issue, it just never appealed to me. Don’t get me wrong, I can see the appeal of it for certain people, it just never appeal to me: Andy Ross.
However, I honestly believe it has been the thing that has had THE single biggest impact on my life.
From about the age of 14-15, it’s been the thing to do. Most of my nights were spent either looking to acquire alcohol or sitting in a park drinking alcohol (obviously not partaking but all my friends did). When we discovered drinking games and the like I always tried to join in but never fully could. The same thing goes for those nights when we could never find anyone to buy us booze, I just tagged along and didn’t really care what happened.
This fashion continued through out every day life; and, still does actually. The amount of House Parties I’ve been to and have ended up looking after someone who’s drank to much; the amount of times I’ve been been at a camp out and had to hide from the poilce because people were drinking and the amount of times I’ve missed opportunities with girls because they were absolutely fucked and I was stone cold sober - the amount of times these things have happened are truly outrageous. The key linking factor is, if I was just as drunk a these people I probably would’ve had a top night and would’ve experienced it from a different perspective. But being sober and being the responsible one has led me to have many more shit nights than good ones in these situations.
I know that last part sounded extremely negative but I personally have nothing against drinking and as much as I rant about it, there are some good memories that never would’ve taken place if there wasn’t alcohol involved. Things like Zach’s house party - in my opinion, the best house party I’ve ever been to - wouldn’t have been as good if everyone was sober or drinking responsibly. There’s even certain people that don’t speak to me unless they’re hammered and actually turn into genuine, funny and lovely people when they’re drunk.
My biggest problem at the moment with drinking is that, this fashion of everything revolving around drinking, hasn’t gone away. I can name only a handful of things we’ve done in the past 6 months that didn’t revolve around drinking. To be fair to the people I know, there’s very little to do these days without drinking OR is that just the frame of mind we’re in?
At the end of the day, I don’t dislike drinking, I dislike the dependence on it as a tool to make fun happen. I don’t know if this means I’m becoming cynical or I need to do something about it to sort it out. As I’ve said previously, I’m not writing these to appeal - or particularly talk to anyone other then myself - just my thoughts I’d like to express.
Moaning about my job.
Recently I’ve been questioning what I want to do with my life. Since I pretty much failed my A-Levels, save for my Science qualification and teaching credit, the plan to go to uni has gone out the window. I told everyone I was taking a year off when in fact I HAD to take a year off because I could do nothing else. So I got a job like the majority of the world.
I sell phones for a living now and most days I fucking hate it. Sometimes it’s the job itself I hate, most days it’s the customers and retail life though.
Sadly, dealing with arseholes on a regular basis is an everyday thing in retail and I’ve come to learn I’m nowhere near as patient as I thought I was. To a customers face I can keep it together for a long time but as soon as they leave the ball of rage built up through the whole interaction explodes when someone asks me “What did that guy want?” and that’s just as bad, if not worse, than losing it at the customer because the only person you’re affecting then is yourself.
They say you’re meant to like your job 70% of the time and hate it 30% of the time and that’s the way it is. At the point in time it’s about 50/50; however, the good days are getting further apart and the bad days are getting more and more frequent.
With the field I’m in, it’s a lot more business like than my previous jobs, filled with stats, numbers and targets - things that don’t interest or drive me at all. I told myself I would never say this but sadly I’m about to: If it wasn’t for the money I would have left a long time ago. Just saying that kinda destroys me a bit.
I really need to do something about my life.
About two years ago, I tried my best to lose some weight. Actually, fuck that, I made an effort to lose weight and not a solid one either. However, a gym has opened up literally 10 steps from my house and now there’s no excuse for me not to go and try and sort my life out.
I always hate talking about losing weight because I’ve always been a big guy and it can very easily come off as preachy to others. I’m not here to preach or tell people to sort their shit out, I’m just writing to most probably myself just to keep a diary of my thoughts and stuff.
I’ve been going from about 6 weeks and it’s just become part of my routine now, which is where I want to be. I want to see it as an additional activity in my day rather than something I’ve got to do and take time out of my day to go and do.
I don’t really have a target weight, I have a mental note of where I want to be, about 14 stone and under but nothing set in stone (as much as I love puns, no pun intended). Mostly I have a way I want to look, a few people I want to look like and hopefully get to very soon. The biggest goal of which would be to be a similar size to Seth Rogen or Jason Segal - they have both lost a lot of weight in recent years and look healthy and in shape yet still have a bit of chub to them which I really like. Makes me feel like I can have a few days of eating Papa Johns and sweets and not have to worry too much about it.
I’ve lost about a stone so far without being too strict about my diet and going to the gym most days I can for a mixture of weight training and cardio. So it’s going well and I’m enjoying it, hopefully I can still say the same in a month or two.
I need to write more, no better time than now.
Start small, why not.
I’ve talked to myself for as long as I can remember, nothing crazy or insane about it - it’s just a habit. I do it all the time, from when I look myself in the mirror and tell myself how long my hair is getting, or after I’ve done any menial task just to review what I’ve done - this can be anything: after going to the gym; watching TV, getting dressed, literally anything.
I wouldn’t say its a comforting thing, I can see why people can think that; but, it’s just about reassurance and, as I said earlier, reviewing what I’ve done. I honestly believe it’s a powerful tool I’ve been using my whole life, it helps me analyse situations and understand them better; it helps me find answers to everyday problems and it also helps me stay grounded with everything that’s going on around me, big or small.
Life is a tumultuous thing, forever changing like the wild beast it is and having some form of voice and dialogue with yourself is one of the most helpful tools to get things out of your system and look at them critically.
I just felt like talking about this, funnily enough, when I was talking to myself on the way home from the gym - I love writing and need to get in the habit of not writing fiction and narrative content. Thought I’d just write about myself for a change.